我還想過正常人的生活

這陣子，我對在生活中該如何自處，感到越來越強烈的困惑。這種困惑期，以前並不是沒有發生過，但這次，持續的特別久，讓我相當的不安。這種感受是隨著這認知而來的：我對世界所懷的任何夢想或任何事物，沒有哪件能帶給我真正的幸福。現在，我已經不知道自己究竟想「要」什麼，也不再清楚如何與人相處，如何在工作中運作，如何做決定，和如何操練《奇蹟課程》……。對這種狀態，我感到很深的恐懼。我知道這是過程的一部份，也許是我在放下自我形象和自以為是時的必經過程，也許這根本是小我故意讓我坐立不安的技倆。能否請你給我一點建議，我該如何穿越目前這種不安的狀態，同時還能在這世界上活出一個正常人的生活？謝謝你。

Q #95: I have become more and more confused about life and how to function. Although I have gone through periods like this before, this one has lasted a long time and is quite unsettling. It goes along with knowing that no fantasy or things I hoped for in the world will work to bring happiness. I don't know what I want anymore and have found it hard to know how to be in relationships, my job, making decisions, practicing A Course in Miracles, etc. There is fear involved in this state. I know this is part of the process and perhaps part of letting go of images of myself and what I think is true and an ego ploy to keep me in conflict. Could you please comment on working through this unsettled state and still trying to be normal in the world? Thank you.

答：通常你所說的情況，是「化解過程」的一部份，你確實是在化解長期以來對自己和世界的錯誤信念。就這個層面而言，你現在所處的狀態是件好事。換個方式來比喻的話，這過程裏的種種感受，和長期成癮的人在戒斷時，所感到的痛苦和驚惶失措沒兩樣。既然我們對自己獨特的個體價值早已成癮，當我們進步到「將你拴在此地的心念撤走」的階段時，感到坐立不安，是很正常的反應。但課程也向我們保證「這絕不會使你落得無家可歸，無所憑依。方向盡失的期間，乃是那具體的過渡經驗的先聲，它所需的時間遠比你把自己的心緊栓在幻相上所耗費的時間要短暫多了。」(T.16.VI.8:3,4,5)。 在這過程中，你需要很大的信任，《教師指南》「信任的形成」一文中，描述了『動盪』階段的狀況(M.4.I.A)，這個階段是會持續一陣子的。

A. Yes, more often than not, the state you describe is a normal part of the process of undoing our mistaken beliefs about ourselves and the world, and in that sense it is positive. In a way, it is not unlike the pain and disorientation of going through withdrawal from an addiction. We have indeed been addicted to our special identities as individuals, and so we can expect considerable discomfort when we make progress in "dislodging [y]our mind from its fixed position here, as Jesus says. But he assures us that "this will not leave you homeless and without a frame of reference. The period of disorientation, which precedes the actual transition, is far shorter than the time it took to fix your mind so firmly on illusions" (T.16.VI.8:3,4,5). This takes a lot of faith and trust. In the manual for teachers, as you probably know, Jesus talks about the stages in the development of trust, describing the fifth stage in particular as a "period of unsettling" (M.4.I.A), which may go on for a while.

在這穿越的過程中，轉換你在生活中習以為常的思考座標，會很有幫助；不再如以前那樣想你一生需要什麼，或世界應該給你什麼，你大可把生活周遭的一切當作一個課堂，在其中，學習看清究竟是什麼橫亙在自己與愛之間，然後一一化解。由此，你內心有一種渴望會升起，鼓動著你去著眼於你與弟兄共同的利益，而不再只關注自己的、具有競爭與分裂性的那種利益。[小我過去所要的，正是你現在想要改變的]，正如練習手冊129課所言「我所渴望的世界，超此塵世之上」。你會成為「快樂的學徒」，更加渴望學習寬恕，並更清楚的明瞭，是自己的哪些作為與念頭，使你感到與周遭的人起了隔閡。你已明白，這些信念與做法不過是為了掩飾愛而已，它蒙蔽了你與上主的大愛和每個弟兄之間的合一狀態。因此每天都提供你一個新機會，讓你認出自己一直是怎麼藏起那大愛的；你必須覺察到自己已經選擇了怎樣的路，你才可能選擇另一條不同的路。你現在生活的重心，就是在心內展開的一趟學習之旅。當你體驗到自己與他人都在同一旅途上，而不是分道揚鑣，各走各的，喜悅便會泉湧而出，這種喜悅絕不會似小我那般，要以折損他人作為代價了。

What can be helpful when going through this is to shift the frame of reference for your day-to-day living. Instead of the usual way of thinking about what you want in life and what the world has to offer you, you can approach the circumstances of your daily life as a classroom in which you are going to learn more about undoing what separates you from love. You then can become motivated by a desire to see shared interests instead of separate, competing interests, for example. In other words, what you want is what would shift, （what you want is what you are going to shift）as Lesson 129 tells us, "Beyond this world there is a world I want" (W.pI.129). You can become a happy learner (T.14.II) eager to learn more about forgiveness and what you are doing and thinking that keeps you feeling separate from the people in your life, because you know that all of that is just a cover for the love that unites you with Jesus and with everyone in your life. Each day then can be seen as an opportunity to recognize more of the ways in which you keep love hidden: you must become aware of what you are choosing before you can choose against it. The focus of your day, in other words, would be the learning that takes place in your mind, and your joy would come more from your experiencing yourself and everyone else as sharing a common journey, rather than from an ego focus and the ego’s version of joy, which is always getting our needs met at someone else’s expense.

這種內心的旅程與你的工作或是盡你種種人生責任是不衝突的。你的意識像是一分為二似的：一部份的你仍在盡責地承擔生活中的責任；你內同時還有一部份，把這一切互動當成學習的教室，讓耶穌或聖靈親身教你如何化解你不但曾經當真，現在還繼續當真的分裂信念。你無需覺得受挫，也不需要覺得無奈，你可以好好善用這個機會，改變你生活的焦點，徹底轉變，成為你的新里程碑。你在《奇蹟課程》上所下的功夫，如今已引領你走到這個點上，從此無論是你生活的方式，還是你與他人的關係，已經跨入一個全新的層面。

This can be done while at the same time focusing on your job and whatever other responsibilities you have in your life. It is like a split consciousness: part of you carries out your responsibilities with care and conscientiousness, and part of you views all of these interactions as a classroom, in which Jesus or the Holy Spirit teaches you how to undo the separation that you have made real and continue to make real. Rather than being discouraged and listless, therefore, you can use this time as an opportunity to shift the whole focus of your life in a way that you have not yet done. All of your practice with the Course has led you to this point, where a new level of functioning and relating is opening up.

大致而言，由於你不再受制於「這事對我有什麼好處」的單向思考，焦點一轉移，日常生活的運作反而變得容易許多，因為恰是舊的思想路線使生活充滿了緊張和衝突。但正如你所說的，這種轉變，會引發很大的恐懼，因為你唯一認得而且認同了的那個自我，其重要性會在這過程中漸漸淡化；取而代之的那個「我」，對你而言，還是一個相當陌生且模糊的東西。在這個過程中，信賴變得很重要，而且你該試著對自己寬容一點，若想讓自己喘一口氣，不妨偶爾允許自己逃避一下。無論如何，有一件事是你可以肯定的，你不是「一個人」在穿越這一切的；至少理智上你知道，天堂之愛正在你心內迴響，陪伴著你踏出這一路上的每一個腳步。

Many times, this shift of focus can actually make functioning on an everyday level easier, because you no longer are thinking along the line of "what’s in it for me?" which inevitably results in a great deal of tension and conflict. There is tremendous fear of making this shift, as you say, because the only self you recognize and identify with is fading in importance, and the self that is replacing it is not yet fully apparent to you. Trust in the process is extremely important at this stage, as is gentleness, and giving yourself permission to set the whole thing aside for a while if that would give you a sense of relief. At the very least, you can be assured that you are not going through this alone. At least intellectually you know that within your mind is the reflection of Heaven’s Love, supporting you each step along the way.

最後要提醒你，在靈修的困難階段，不要小看心理治療或其他專業可能提供的協助。在穿越小我的過程中，能得到慈愛且富同情心的治療師的幫助，絕對是有利而無弊的，甚至還能加速這個穿越過程。那些專業也能夠幫助我們不至於落入逃避的陷阱，而跳過某些應該穿越的部分。

Finally, it should not be overlooked that sometimes psychotherapy or some other form of professional intervention can be helpful in getting through a difficult period. It is never wrong, as we go along in our process, to avail ourselves of the help of a kind and compassionate therapist, and in many cases it can speed things along. It might also serve the purpose of helping us avoid the mistake of skipping steps in our process.